Garcon! Coffee!
by vulgar shudder
Summary: Two young men are having coffee, but are hot beverages all they want from the resturant? Yaoi, Language, parody


Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing's character.neither did I create the scene this is a parody of (but I don't think Q. T. did either.)  
  
Warnings: shounen-ai, language, parody (as in humour)  
  
Garcon! Coffee!  
  
Inside a diner, two young men sat at booth next to the window. It was the busy morning rush and staff bustled past the two talking men.  
  
The blond one nursed a coffee and blueberry muffin, while his taller companion slapped syrup over his stack of pancakes. The smaller man sipped his black coffee before saying; "I don't know what we'll do next." The pristine white tee shirt and cut up jean shorts added to his effeminate looks. He put down the cup to adjust some leather and embroidered bracelets tied around his wrist.  
  
A large chunk of pancake was thoughtfully chewed and swallowed, "What do you mean?" He said from behind the long fall of hair that covered half his face. He was wearing a light blue and red Hawaiian shirt over tight tank top with a worn pair of blue jeans.  
  
The steaming mug was put down on the table, and the blond crossed his arms. "I don't like taking stores any more, it's getting to be too risky a venture."  
  
The man sitting opposite him nodded and pushed another piece of maple syrup soaked pancake into his mouth.  
  
Clear blue eyes looked seriously at his companion, "Stores are difficult, it's usually some family business that's been owned for 15 generations and there's no way they'll hand anything over.no matter what incentives we can offer."  
  
The stack of pancakes was nearly half-finished now and the quiet man reached over for the jug of syrup again, "It's great sitting by the window in the mornings, the sun warms the syrup just right." The thick sticky liquid splashed down onto the plate, and after the jug was placed back, the chestnut haired man placed his fingers in his mouth sucking off any of the syrup.  
  
The blond opposite had his coffee half raised to his lips, but had stopped mesmerised by watching his companion lick his sticky fingers. Finally he breaks himself from his reverie and softly spoke; "Warm syrup's always less of a shock when it's poured down your back too." A small smirk was hidden when he took another mouthful from the coffee cup.  
  
But the comment was not missed by his fellow dinner, who looked up from his plate to deliberately lick his lips-supposedly to rid them of any of the sugary substance.  
  
"So what do you want to do now?" The green-eyed man said, "Are you saying you want to start the bank business?"  
  
The soft blond hair gently moved as the man shock his head in a 'no', "Too much dodgy stuff with banks, you'll either end up with a bullet in the head or doing 20 years."  
  
"Like your father?"  
  
"Like my father." The blond solemnly agreed.  
  
There was a silence between the two, as the taller man continued to eat his meal and the other start his. The blond was peeling away the paper of the muffin with his slender fingers and discarded it on the small plate. He daintily broke off a chunk and slipped it into his mouth.  
  
"Do you want us to get day jobs?"  
  
The blond nearly choked on the cake, and forced out, "Not this life!"  
  
The tall man pushed the last slice of pancake around his plate, before scooping it up into his mouth. With his napkin he wiped his mouth and leaned on his elbows to stare at his companion. "Well then, what?"  
  
The pale blond let a small smile spread across his lips, "This place."  
  
His partner's brow furrowed, "This place? It's a coffee shop?"  
  
"Exactly it's perfect!" The blond broke off another piece of muffin and ate it happily. "Who's gonna care what happens, some busboy who's getting paid a dollar 50 an hour?"  
  
The other man smiled and leaned back into the red leather of the chair. He snapped his fingers and loudly said to a nearby waitress, "Garcon! Coffee!"  
  
The lank waitress gave him a dirty stare before fetching the coffee. She leaned over and poured the steaming liquid into the pair's now empty coffee cups. "Garcon means boy sir." She said indignantly before leaving with the tall mans dirty plate.  
  
"I thought you were one," mumbled the chestnut haired man.  
  
Drinking the steaming liquid, the blond man got back to the idea, "Places like this you cut out the hero aspect."  
  
"You catch them with their pants down."  
  
"Exactly."  
  
"Oh and remember." the darker haired man stopped and leaned forward continuing in a low voice, "that each person can bring in 'revenue', there are a lot of people here."  
  
His blond companion smiled and nodded. He had given up on the dry muffin, and had pushed the remains on the plate to the end of the table near the window out of their way.  
  
Now the darker haired man pushed his long hair out of his face before it flopped back. "This is a very good idea."  
  
"Thank you." Replied to blond.  
  
The tall man now scans the restaurant with the new idea, he sees the other customers eating, lost in conversation. The tired and agitated waitress taking orders and even the busboys taking in dishes with mind numbing boredom. The manager is complaining to the cook about something. A smile breaks out on his face.  
  
"I can see you're already into it." The blond puts down his finished coffee, only the bitter dregs remaining in the mug. "I'm ready. Lets do it, right here, right now."  
  
The other man eyed the blond hungrily at the words, but brings himself back to reality. "Same as before, your crowd control, I deal with employees."  
  
"Got it."  
  
They both pulled out .32-caliber pistols and laid them on the table. The look at each other with an intense gaze and reach forward to hold each other's hands.  
  
The blue eyed man is the first to speak, "I love you Pumpkin."  
  
"I love you Hunny Bunny." His partner replied.  
  
With that, they grab their guns and stand up. They fall into a solid stance from which to be able to fire their guns.  
  
Yelling to everyone, the taller man says in a calm and professional voice, "Nobody move, this is a robbery!"  
  
His partner jumps sweeping his gun over everyone to show he means business, "Any of you fucking pricks move and I'll execute every one of you motherfuckers! Got that!" The blond screams, a worrying psychotic gleam in his eyes.  
  
Everyone in the restaurant by now has stopped in shock. Chewed food falls out of an obese man's mouth onto the floor. No one dares say anything.  
  
'Pumpkin' is still calm beside his partner; "Customers in remain in your seats, waitress' on the floor."  
  
The waitresses are still standing there, dumbfounded.  
  
'Hunny Bunny' has enough and screams, "Now means fuckin' now! Do it or die! Do it or fuckin' die!"  
  
None of the waitresses are going to argue with the psychotic blond, and get down onto the floor. Hunny Bunny still screams threats to keep to crowed occupied, while his partner quickly makes his way behind the counter.  
  
"You in the kitchens! Out of there now!" 3 cooks and 2 busboys comply and come out at of the kitchens.  
  
However they are standing around watching, Hunny Bunny notices and shouts; "On the floor or I'll cook your asses!" They lay on the floor with the rest of the staff.  
  
The overweight manager speaks up, holding his shaking hands in the air, "I'm the manager here.there's no problem--"  
  
The tall robber makes his way over to the terrified manager, "What's that about a problem?"  
  
"There's no--"  
  
"Are you going to give me a problem?" Pumpkin aims his gun at the middle- aged man's head.  
  
Beads of sweat start rolling down the manager's forehead, "No problem at all!"  
  
The robber is still calm and collected, no emotion betraying his face. "I don't know, you look like a hero to me." He cocks his gun.  
  
The blond robber has overheard this and screams, "Don't take any chances, execute him!" The patrons in the shop scream.  
  
The manager looks near to a heart attack, "Please don't.I'm no Heero Yuy. I'm just a coffee shop manager, take what ever you want."  
  
Pumpkin says coolly, "Tell everyone to be calm, and this will be over soon."  
  
The manager clears his throat, trying to prevent his voice from faltering, "Everybody just do what they say, and this will be over soon."  
  
The dark haired man nodded, "Well done, now get your fuckin' ass on the floor."  
  
The portly manager was only too eager to slam his body to the ground, to tremble with his hands behind his head. Pumpkin is working out how to open the cash register. He finally figures it out and yanks the draw open and starts stuffing his pockets with the notes.  
  
Hunny Bunny is still aiming his gun on anyone daring to make a move.  
  
The till empty, Pumpkin fishes behind the counter for a black bin liner. "Now, I'm going to come around and everyone's going to dump their wallets in this bag. Don't talk, just toss. We clear?"  
  
Everyone is clear. The tall robber walks down the aisles between the dinners and everyone dutifully dumps their wallets inside. Pumpkin eventually comes to the door where Hunny Bunny is waiting, still aiming his gun at anyone. The black bag is now full, and Pumpkin slings it over his back.  
  
"We done?" The blond asks.  
  
"Sure thing."  
  
For the first time since the robbery has begun, Hunny Bunny lets his gun drop and pulls his lover into a sweet kiss. The patrons and staff watch stunned, as the criminals let their hands wonder over each other's bodies. The blond man giggles and playfully pushes away his partner. The smaller man smiles to all those in the restaurant, "I think we better go now. Don't anyone try something fuckin' stupid, or I'll blow the bitch's head off."  
  
By now Pumpkin is through the glass door, and pulls his lover after him.  
  
They run to a dirty white Chevy and jump inside. The engine has started, and they pull out onto the busy highway to make their flawless escape.  
  
1 The End  
  
  
  
Author's Notes: Lines from Pulp Fiction, but Tarenteno can't exactly say anything about ripping off. 


End file.
